Dear Abby, Got a problem.

I’m a decent, underpaid, hardworking county coroner.
It’s important that my family eat meat at least three times a week.
But we just can’t afford to with the prices the way they are.
So I bring home some choice cuts from my autopsy subjects.
Just mix in the Tuna Helper…and ta-da!

The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious.
They ask me what’s my secret.
Abby, I think they’re getting suspicious.
My smart-ass 8-year-old keeps asking,
“Where’s all the meat?
The red dye #2 kind that’s kept in the fridge.”
If they find out the truth
I don’t think they’ll understand.Abby, what do I tell my family?

DEAR *OSBORNOMICS VICTIM:Consult your clergyman.
Make sure the body’s blessed And everything should be just fine.

Lyrics: Jello Biafra
Music: Dead Kennedys
From the album: Bedtime For Democracy.

* original line;
I changed it to “Osbornomics” as more topically appropriate.
(Forgive me JB?)