“Ooh no don’t shift left” say career politicians

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Labour-leadership

Career politicians throughout the Labour Party have come together en masse to say “Ooh no! Don’t shift left. Think about us and our important careers. What if we don’t get elected? What if we do get elected and have to promise to feed everyone or something? This nonsense has to stop.”

Former Leadership favourite until the bearded one entered the fray, Andy Burnham, said “If we go round ensuring everyone has enough to eat, we’ll end up having to find somewhere for everyone to live. That’s not very modern and up to date. And I fail to see how it will set me up for earning a fortune on the after dinner speeches circuit.

“I’ve been training to do this job since I was four years old. If we shift left and give power back to the people then normal people will come strutting in thinking that they have every…

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