Tag Archives: Mental Health

What Cannot Show

Posted on by

Past things that shape me from inside
From boy to man pain magnified
From being bullied to a lover’s lies
The scars that settle deep inside
From a friends betrayal
Or my feelings brushed aside
Part of me has somehow died
Replaced with darkness I’m lost inside
The anger I feel pulsing behind my eyes
Like rising burning poison bile
Flooding over my emotions it then nullifies
Are these symptoms of my going insane?
Or just a fracture through which leaks my pain
From a battle waged within my soul
The emptiness shall not let go

Things out of the past
That shape me from inside
From childhood to man
Pain I try, in vain, to hide
My cries for help
Ignored or vilified
Every trust I extend-betrayed
Loss turns to burning rage inside
I can feel it hiding behind my eyes
Like rising, burning, poison bile
Flooding my emotions to nullify
Just more symptoms of my going insane?
Or just a fracture through which
Leaks my pain
Try to hide-it
Keep it locked-inside
The emptiness which
Invades my mind.

Mark Catlin—2012

1418336124095

Revealing Me PtII

Posted on by

Revealing Me. pt.II
This enemy inside
Takes away my pride
Invades my very soul
Won’t leave me alone.
Pushes against me
Day after day you see
Digs through all my pain
Most days are the same.
Yet another day I’m free
Just the real me
Rare, they come they go
It’s the only life I know.
Write out how I feel
So you can know it’s real
The strangeness that is me
What you get is what you see.

Mark Catlin—July2014.

I’m just working on “digitizing” my work (I work longhand), so I can post-it. A lot of the work I’ve been posting I’ve written as an expression of my Manic Depression (now called Bi-polar disorder) it’s my way of saying “this is me, I’m no longer afraid of the stigma that goes hand in hand with mental health problems” So bear with me-more to follow. M

The Silent Refrain

Posted on by

If you believe it
You cannot deceive it
It will come back to haunt you in the end

What was the answer?
I knew it once
But I pushed it out of my head
So now as time passes I hear
The same old questions, never answers
Swirl around in my head

Connection to others
Requires effort (ugh)
I need to be reminded
Time and time again
Why it’s worth it–is it?

I only remember the pain – so vividly,
The refrain like a favourite song

What do I want?
I think I know some days
That silent touch
A soft kiss
Not much to ask?
It always depends on how it might end

Yet another fracture in my head
That opens when its quietest
Laying in the dark in my bed
Into which reaches the pain
The refrain, yes that again

It’s all I can-to feel

Daydreams rarely suffice
Although sometimes nice
It’s a way to shut out the silence

If you believe it
You cannot deceive it
It (always) comes back to haunt you in the end

Moving forward
Forward is moving
Getting better?
Stop! And check your mind

Another person to talk to
Another lost soul to find
Another day of survival
We’re all the same inside-alone

Pointlessness
Is the order of the day
Seems the empty minds
Now hold sway

Those like me
That feel the pain of being
So empty, so out of place
Watching, listening
Helplessly….
While the countdown rushes unchecked to the end.

Mark Catlin 2011

George Osborne is paying therapists to ‘coerce’ mentally ill people back to work | The Canary

Posted on by

George Osborne is paying therapists to ‘coerce’ mentally ill people back to work