What Cannot Show

Past things that shape me from inside
From boy to man pain magnified
From being bullied to a lover’s lies
The scars that settle deep inside
From a friends betrayal
Or my feelings brushed aside
Part of me has somehow died
Replaced with darkness I’m lost inside
The anger I feel pulsing behind my eyes
Like rising burning poison bile
Flooding over my emotions it then nullifies
Are these symptoms of my going insane?
Or just a fracture through which leaks my pain
From a battle waged within my soul
The emptiness shall not let go

Things out of the past
That shape me from inside
From childhood to man
Pain I try, in vain, to hide
My cries for help
Ignored or vilified
Every trust I extend-betrayed
Loss turns to burning rage inside
I can feel it hiding behind my eyes
Like rising, burning, poison bile
Flooding my emotions to nullify
Just more symptoms of my going insane?
Or just a fracture through which
Leaks my pain
Try to hide-it
Keep it locked-inside
The emptiness which
Invades my mind.

Mark Catlin—2012

1418336124095

2Short

2-Short

1) Behaviour Principle

They believe “it”
I can’t stand to see it
The acquiescent apathy of fools
That rush to judgment
Of anything different
Those uncompromising
Followers of rules..

2) Lucidity Analysis

For everything a season
All humans have their reasons
To hate, to love, to fight and more
When reason walks….
In or out the door

Mark Catlin July 2015

Word To The Wise

Up down inside out
Pushing pulling drowning out
Open closing
Walk in cold
Empty minded
Growing Old
Demonstrating remonstrating
Open mouthed
Fornication copulation
Pleasure intense
Dreamscapes and frenzy
Power and class
Downward spiralling no one asks
Onwards sideways what’s to see
Breakdown lockdown
Differences will always be
Ugly pretty vanity
Vain conceited me me me
Action reaction opposites attract
Worrying vying slow to act
Truth in confessions truth not lies
Majestic graceful
Beauty in crying eyes
Thoughtful generous I wish to be
Question the answer no apathy please
Haves versus have nots
And the eager to please
Go down fighting
Don’t live cowering on knees

Mark Catlin July 2015

Clarity Erosion

Close your eyes
Shut it out
Nevermind
It’s over for now

Feelings crowd in
Your mind it freezes
Thinking slows
Never easy

Whatever next
Emotions expressed
Can’t repress
Interpret the rest

Inner mind
Deep inside
Try to find
A clear sign

Thoughts explode
Time erodes
The past exposed
To all who know.

Mark Catlin
April 2016

Revealing Me PtII

Revealing Me. pt.II
This enemy inside
Takes away my pride
Invades my very soul
Won’t leave me alone.
Pushes against me
Day after day you see
Digs through all my pain
Most days are the same.
Yet another day I’m free
Just the real me
Rare, they come they go
It’s the only life I know.
Write out how I feel
So you can know it’s real
The strangeness that is me
What you get is what you see.

Mark Catlin—July2014.

I’m just working on “digitizing” my work (I work longhand), so I can post-it. A lot of the work I’ve been posting I’ve written as an expression of my Manic Depression (now called Bi-polar disorder) it’s my way of saying “this is me, I’m no longer afraid of the stigma that goes hand in hand with mental health problems” So bear with me-more to follow. M

Revealing Me Pt1

Revealing Me. pt1
Underneath this flesh and bone
Hides my mind always alone.
A place where thoughts come and go,
A place where all my knowledge grows.
My mind is full of my ideas,
Memories stored and recalled at will.
A place that hides things of which I dare not speak,
A place where I can be honest, brave or meek.
Inside my mind I’m always true,
inside this place
I keep my memories of you,
A past that’s gone and stored away,
To think of on some quiet day.
Inside my mind there is only me,
Inside my mind I’m always free.

Mark Catlin 2013

The Silent Refrain

If you believe it
You cannot deceive it
It will come back to haunt you in the end

What was the answer?
I knew it once
But I pushed it out of my head
So now as time passes I hear
The same old questions, never answers
Swirl around in my head

Connection to others
Requires effort (ugh)
I need to be reminded
Time and time again
Why it’s worth it–is it?

I only remember the pain – so vividly,
The refrain like a favourite song

What do I want?
I think I know some days
That silent touch
A soft kiss
Not much to ask?
It always depends on how it might end

Yet another fracture in my head
That opens when its quietest
Laying in the dark in my bed
Into which reaches the pain
The refrain, yes that again

It’s all I can-to feel

Daydreams rarely suffice
Although sometimes nice
It’s a way to shut out the silence

If you believe it
You cannot deceive it
It (always) comes back to haunt you in the end

Moving forward
Forward is moving
Getting better?
Stop! And check your mind

Another person to talk to
Another lost soul to find
Another day of survival
We’re all the same inside-alone

Pointlessness
Is the order of the day
Seems the empty minds
Now hold sway

Those like me
That feel the pain of being
So empty, so out of place
Watching, listening
Helplessly….
While the countdown rushes unchecked to the end.

Mark Catlin 2011

Struggle

Understanding the meaning of struggle
Giving your whole life to a single passion
Which others may or may not
Consider obsolete
Like a rare flower
Seen by a few before it withers and dies
(before it withers and dies)

Seeing it all
All the way through the very end
Regardless
A full stop followed by an exclamation mark
Written in your flesh and blood
Getting knocked down every time
Getting knocked down every moment you get up – until you love getting up

I know what you’ve been going through
I’ve been there too
God knows I’ve been pushing hard Pushing so damn hard -I’ve forgotten what the hell I’m even -Pushing for

Recognize it when it happens to you
Learn to recognize it and know what to do
Stop clinging on, let go, own nothing
Do it out of love
Do it out of love

Words cannot substitute
Losing everything
Losing your home
Losing your money
Your dignity
Losing your mind – your beliefs, ideals
Then and only then
When everything is gone
You no longer care
Your soul standing naked and bare
Stripped down to the truth
Then you’ll find everything
On heaven and earth
On heaven and earth
On heaven and earth

The struggle is long
The struggle is hard
The struggle is beautiful

Lyrics; J. Coleman
From the album; Extremities, Dirt And Various Repressed Emotions. By Killing Joke.

A Growing Boy Needs His Lunch

In lonely gas stations with mini-marts
You’ll find rows of them for sale
Liquor-filled statues of Elvis Presley
Screw his head-off and…
Drink like a vampire
His disciples flock to such a fitting shrine
Sprawled across from his
graceless mansion
A shopping mall
Filled with prayer rugs and Elvis dolls
And I wonder
Yeah I wonder
Will Elvis take the place of Jesus
In a thousand years
Religious wars
Barbaric laws
Bloodshed worldwide
Over what’s left of his myth

A growing boy needs his lunch

When pesticides get banned we’re safe up north
We just sell them to those other countries
Soon there’s lots of exotic deformed babies
Somehow that’s not our fault
Just dip ’em in glaze paint ’em orange and green
For the Arizona roadside stands
To sell alongside plaster burros and birthbaths
And I wonder
Yeah I wonder
Why so many insects around us feed off the dead

Death squads
Starvation
Foreign aid?
Just leave it to the magic of the marketplace

A growing boy needs his lunch

Everyone should just love each other
Dip your toe into the fire
Drop your guns and lawsuits and love each other
Life begins beyond the bunker
And while you’re busy hugging in the streets
Outgrowing your hatred
For all to feel
Jiminy Cricket’s found a game to play
Stick your neck out on trust-
It’ll be chopped away
Jimmy through your locked front doors
Rifle through your sacred drawers
Line my pockets
Deface your dreams
‘Til the cows come home to me
Nibbling like an earwig
Winding through your brain
Bound like Lawrence Harvey Spreadeagled to a bed
The migraine gets worse
When you find out we lay eggs
And no one in all of Borneo
Can hear you scream
Turn on
Tune in
Cop out
Drop kick
Turn in
Tune out

Lyrics: Jello Biafra
Music: Dead Kennedys
From the album; Frankenchrist

The Spoils Of Victory

Look to the north, look to the east, look to the west and south

On all horizons storm clouds loom and roll across the sky
The river bursts its banks and vomits soil into the mouth
As thunder breaks the silence, a young child cries!

Between the night
And the days first light
The leaders made a pact
To raise the rotting corpse of war
And set the wheels in motion
The stage a heaving battlefield
Would support the final act
While the authors hide in satellites
Or forts beneath the ocean

And in this play
We’re cast as fools
To blindly play
By others’ rules

Now the dust has settled
And the stench completely clear
Then return the victors
To claim their wretched crown
But from the fleshheaps of the slain
There comes no cheer
Their game is over
The chips are down

You arrived like a breath
From the angel of death
Famine, disease and a life on your knees
Guaranteed
When you put them in power

Lyrics And Music; Amebix
From The Album: Arise