What Cannot Show

Past things that shape me from inside
From boy to man pain magnified
From being bullied to a lover’s lies
The scars that settle deep inside
From a friends betrayal
Or my feelings brushed aside
Part of me has somehow died
Replaced with darkness I’m lost inside
The anger I feel pulsing behind my eyes
Like rising burning poison bile
Flooding over my emotions it then nullifies
Are these symptoms of my going insane?
Or just a fracture through which leaks my pain
From a battle waged within my soul
The emptiness shall not let go

Things out of the past
That shape me from inside
From childhood to man
Pain I try, in vain, to hide
My cries for help
Ignored or vilified
Every trust I extend-betrayed
Loss turns to burning rage inside
I can feel it hiding behind my eyes
Like rising, burning, poison bile
Flooding my emotions to nullify
Just more symptoms of my going insane?
Or just a fracture through which
Leaks my pain
Try to hide-it
Keep it locked-inside
The emptiness which
Invades my mind.

Mark Catlin—2012

1418336124095

2Short

2-Short

1) Behaviour Principle

They believe “it”
I can’t stand to see it
The acquiescent apathy of fools
That rush to judgment
Of anything different
Those uncompromising
Followers of rules..

2) Lucidity Analysis

For everything a season
All humans have their reasons
To hate, to love, to fight and more
When reason walks….
In or out the door

Mark Catlin July 2015

Soup Is Good Food

Soup is Good Food
We’re sorry
But you’re no longer needed
Or wanted
Or even cared about here
Machines can do a better job than you
This is what you get for asking questions
The unions agree
‘Sacrifices must be made’
Computers never go on strike
To save the working man you’ve got to put him out to pasture
Looks like we’ll have to let you go
Doesn’t it feel fulfilling to know
That you-the human being-are now obsolete
And there’s nothing in hell we’ll let you do about it

Soup is good food-
(We don’t need you any more)
You made a good meal-
(We don’t need you any more)
Now how do you feel-
(We don’t need you any more)
To be shit out our ass
And thrown in the cold like a piece of trash

We’re sorry
You’ll just have to leave
Unemployment runs out after just six weeks
How does it feel to be a budget cut?
You’re snipped
You no longer exist
Your number’s been purged from our central computer
So we can rig the facts
And sweep you under the rug
See our chart?
Unemployment’s going down
If our figures are wrong that’s your problem

Soup is good food……..

We’re sorry
We hate to interrupt
But it’s against the law to jump off this bridge
You’ll just have to kill yourself somewhere else
A tourist might see you
And we wouldn’t want that
I’m just doing my job, you know
So say uncle
And we’ll take you to the mental health zoo
Force feed you mind-melting chemicals
Till even the outside world looks great
In hi-tech science research labs
It costs too much to bury all the dead
The mutilated disease-injected
Surplus rats who can’t be used anymore
So they’re dumped (with no minister present)
In a spiraling corkscrew dispose-all unit
Ground into sludge and flushed away
Aw geez…

We don’t need you any more
We don’t need you any more
Soup is good food
You made a good meal
Now how do you feel
To be shit out our ass
And thrown in the cold like a piece of trash
We know how much you’d like to die
We joke about it on our coffee breaks
But we’re paid to force you to have a nice day
In the wonderful world we made just for you

“Poor Rats”, we human rodents chuckle
At least we get a dignified cremation
At yet
At 6:00 tomorrow morning
It’s time to get up and go to work

Lyrics: Jello Biafra
Music: Dead Kennedys

Word To The Wise

Up down inside out
Pushing pulling drowning out
Open closing
Walk in cold
Empty minded
Growing Old
Demonstrating remonstrating
Open mouthed
Fornication copulation
Pleasure intense
Dreamscapes and frenzy
Power and class
Downward spiralling no one asks
Onwards sideways what’s to see
Breakdown lockdown
Differences will always be
Ugly pretty vanity
Vain conceited me me me
Action reaction opposites attract
Worrying vying slow to act
Truth in confessions truth not lies
Majestic graceful
Beauty in crying eyes
Thoughtful generous I wish to be
Question the answer no apathy please
Haves versus have nots
And the eager to please
Go down fighting
Don’t live cowering on knees

Mark Catlin July 2015

Clarity Erosion

Close your eyes
Shut it out
Nevermind
It’s over for now

Feelings crowd in
Your mind it freezes
Thinking slows
Never easy

Whatever next
Emotions expressed
Can’t repress
Interpret the rest

Inner mind
Deep inside
Try to find
A clear sign

Thoughts explode
Time erodes
The past exposed
To all who know.

Mark Catlin
April 2016

Revealing Me PtII

Revealing Me. pt.II
This enemy inside
Takes away my pride
Invades my very soul
Won’t leave me alone.
Pushes against me
Day after day you see
Digs through all my pain
Most days are the same.
Yet another day I’m free
Just the real me
Rare, they come they go
It’s the only life I know.
Write out how I feel
So you can know it’s real
The strangeness that is me
What you get is what you see.

Mark Catlin—July2014.

I’m just working on “digitizing” my work (I work longhand), so I can post-it. A lot of the work I’ve been posting I’ve written as an expression of my Manic Depression (now called Bi-polar disorder) it’s my way of saying “this is me, I’m no longer afraid of the stigma that goes hand in hand with mental health problems” So bear with me-more to follow. M

Revealing Me Pt1

Revealing Me. pt1
Underneath this flesh and bone
Hides my mind always alone.
A place where thoughts come and go,
A place where all my knowledge grows.
My mind is full of my ideas,
Memories stored and recalled at will.
A place that hides things of which I dare not speak,
A place where I can be honest, brave or meek.
Inside my mind I’m always true,
inside this place
I keep my memories of you,
A past that’s gone and stored away,
To think of on some quiet day.
Inside my mind there is only me,
Inside my mind I’m always free.

Mark Catlin 2013

The Silent Refrain

If you believe it
You cannot deceive it
It will come back to haunt you in the end

What was the answer?
I knew it once
But I pushed it out of my head
So now as time passes I hear
The same old questions, never answers
Swirl around in my head

Connection to others
Requires effort (ugh)
I need to be reminded
Time and time again
Why it’s worth it–is it?

I only remember the pain – so vividly,
The refrain like a favourite song

What do I want?
I think I know some days
That silent touch
A soft kiss
Not much to ask?
It always depends on how it might end

Yet another fracture in my head
That opens when its quietest
Laying in the dark in my bed
Into which reaches the pain
The refrain, yes that again

It’s all I can-to feel

Daydreams rarely suffice
Although sometimes nice
It’s a way to shut out the silence

If you believe it
You cannot deceive it
It (always) comes back to haunt you in the end

Moving forward
Forward is moving
Getting better?
Stop! And check your mind

Another person to talk to
Another lost soul to find
Another day of survival
We’re all the same inside-alone

Pointlessness
Is the order of the day
Seems the empty minds
Now hold sway

Those like me
That feel the pain of being
So empty, so out of place
Watching, listening
Helplessly….
While the countdown rushes unchecked to the end.

Mark Catlin 2011

Only A Phase

“I’d rather stay a child and keep my self-respect, if being an adult means turning out like that guy-ugh!”(Jello Biafra)

Only a Phase

Are you growing up
Or giving up
You might be older
But that’s not enough
Does your age regulate
What’s right or wrong
You can’t relate
Maybe all along

Have you grown up
Or given up
It really doesn’t matter…
‘Cause you don’t give a fuck
You haven’t lost your convictions
There were never any there
Now you’re part of the problem
And you don’t care

When you were younger
You spoke a little too loud
You talked about things
You knew nothing about
Now it’s all come home
And you’ve lost your spine
There are no facts
When you’re living a lie

You’re forty-five
You’re already dead
You never believed
A word that you said
You reminisce about the good old days
And tell yourself
It was only a phase

By denying the facts
You’re denying the truth
Self respect
A luxury of youth
Believe what you want
And try not to hate
What you don’t understand
And the time that you waste

So close your eyes
And then go to sleep
And try to forget
What you didn’t keep
And tell yourself
That apathy pays
And that the truth
Was only a phase

#lyrics
#GreatMusic -(Spermbirds)

Struggle

Understanding the meaning of struggle
Giving your whole life to a single passion
Which others may or may not
Consider obsolete
Like a rare flower
Seen by a few before it withers and dies
(before it withers and dies)

Seeing it all
All the way through the very end
Regardless
A full stop followed by an exclamation mark
Written in your flesh and blood
Getting knocked down every time
Getting knocked down every moment you get up – until you love getting up

I know what you’ve been going through
I’ve been there too
God knows I’ve been pushing hard Pushing so damn hard -I’ve forgotten what the hell I’m even -Pushing for

Recognize it when it happens to you
Learn to recognize it and know what to do
Stop clinging on, let go, own nothing
Do it out of love
Do it out of love

Words cannot substitute
Losing everything
Losing your home
Losing your money
Your dignity
Losing your mind – your beliefs, ideals
Then and only then
When everything is gone
You no longer care
Your soul standing naked and bare
Stripped down to the truth
Then you’ll find everything
On heaven and earth
On heaven and earth
On heaven and earth

The struggle is long
The struggle is hard
The struggle is beautiful

Lyrics; J. Coleman
From the album; Extremities, Dirt And Various Repressed Emotions. By Killing Joke.